Everyone In My House Walks

Marlowe decided around 14 months of age that her feet are not purely ornamental and started walking!

My niece Charlie began walking around 10 months and because everything is comparable, justified or not, I was fucking pissed that my kid was making me look like a loser parent.  So when my dingbat baby finally got her shit together, I rejoiced.  

Anyway, our daycare provider (Ms. Joan) politely (ehhhhhhh, not really) pointed out that baby Einstein would benefit from wearing shoes now, if she wanted to walk while at the park.  I saw the logic in this suggestion and promised to drop shoes off that afternoon.  Fast forward to the end of that day where my child remained barefoot. Fuck. 

At pickup, Ms. Joan guilt tripped me and was all "Marlowe wanted to get out of the stroller SO BAD at the park but she had no shoes so I just couldn't let her."  

I love that bitch. Also, I wish that park was a country club and the risk of my baby stepping on a heroin needle laced with Hep C wasn't legit. 

Side bar.  I recently made allegations against a methadone clinic. My clients had to keep reminding me that "heroin" and "heroine" are two materially different nouns. 

So, we got the fucking kid some shoes. Specifically we went to the Nike store and Jeff absconded with her to the shoe section. I meandered my way through the Patriots section because all of my Pats gear is now unlucky (Marlowe's too) and we needed new duds.   When I caught up with the cuter portion of my family, Jeff had multiple pairs of sneaks pulled out and was trying them on her feet.  Let me explain how this was the cutest fucking thing I have ever seen, including when I first saw him hold her, when I first saw him make her laugh and when that mother fucking giraffe nobody could shut up about on social media was finally born. 

Anyway it was cute.

We / Jeff picked out a pair of baby Air Max Nikes and then Jeff insisted I pick out a pair because he was taking his girls shoe shopping (again, swoon) and then we were off to lunch. 

Marlowe, all bottom heavy from dragging her new kicks around, stumbled easily 728463 times that day.  It led me to believe we should baby proof the house now that she's walking, opening cupboards and basically only wants to play with knives and chemicals.  That was two weeks ago and so far all we've done is some laundry.

Here are the new kicks!