Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Marlowe Aged 1 Year, Suzie Aged 100 Years

We celebrated Marlowe's first birthday in July.  Meaning, we celebrated the fact that we kept her alive and (mostly) safe and sound for 365 days.

In those 365 days, I have aged exponentially.  Here are some notable stories related to things that have stressed me out over the year.  Simply having these things to be concerned with makes me want to jump out a window. 

1.   I lied to the pediatrician.  When we took Marlowe for her 9 month check up, she had sprouted a few teeth and we were told to start brushing them.  Not a real shocker there.  However, between her 9 month appointment and her 1 year appointment, we brushed her teeth a total of... wait for it... wait for it... zero times.  At her 12 month appointment I was asked, "How does she like having her teeth brushed" to which I IMMEDIATELY stated, "Ehhh, doesn't love it but she's getting used to it."  Total. Fucking. Untruth.  Now, I am worried that she has 17 cavities dispersed between her 5.5 teeth but, more importantly, I am concerned that I have to brush her teeth.  I don't wanna.

2.  About 6 months ago this super fucking awesome thought popped into my head: "I can always throw together a load of laundry!"  Between Marlowe and Jeff dirtying clothes at breakneck speed and all of the other regular household linens and blankets, plus Vinnie's mere existence in our household,  I could make a part-time job out of doing laundry.  OCD Suzie has realized that she does not like to wash just a half a load of laundry (what a waste of water and electricity!) but she hates when there is any laundry accumulated.   (Seriously, just...ugh.) So on that particular day wherein I had my Very Important Laundry Revelation, I decided I would wash the bath mat. Adulating just sucks so hard.  But here is a fun fact: I have a white bath mat.  This color choice is incredibly regrettable and is the second stupidest thing I have ever done, coming in right behind my decision to forgo the use of birth control.

3. Places I find blissful:  Target and Starbucks.  Places I used to find blissful: basically any restaurant; the casino; new travel destinations; my bed at noon on a Sunday; not Target; not Starbucks.

4.  I get anxious when we do not have fruit and the ingredients for peanut butter and jelly in my house, because when all else fails, my kid will eat fruit and peanut butter and jelly.  Last year there would be a 0% chance there would be any fruit in my house, a 37% chance we'd have jelly, a 50% chance we'd have bread that was not stale or moldy and a 100% chance we'd have peanut butter, because Vinnie really likes it.

Other super fucking cool things I have learned about Marlowe in her year on planet Earth.

-when she is officially done choking on something, she sneezes.
-her most favorite toys are forks and knives.
-having her diaper changed is akin to waterboarding.

To sum up this fabulous read: a year does a lot to a person.  I am now the mom I said I would never become (although poop jokes are still not funny, and I truly believe there is a special place in Hell for people that make them) and as I say to Jeff all of the time: we are just actively living out the rest of our lives, traveling around the sun with our little bundle of joy.

 just another day in paradise.
 that hair, though.
birthday outfit. found this dress and this bow in her closet about 10 minutes before it was party time.  nailed it!
 goofy bunny waiting to be diagnosed with her third ear infection. #genetics
sleeping beauty... at the end of our flight...after she insisted that she try to sit underneath the seat for 3 hours.

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